Helpless
by JessChap
Summary: AU where Harvey comes from an abusive household, and his mother comes to visit. Eventual Darvey. Potential M rating in future chapters but unsure!


**Hey! So first off, I'm really not a great creative writer, but I enjoy reading everyone's different ideas and interpretations of the show and it's characters, so I thought I may as well share mine! Leave a review if you'd like :)**

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The harsh winds of New York City whipped at the faces of anyone who dared take on it's wrath, and Harvey Specter cursed under his breath as he stepped out of the cab to be greeted with nothing but an icy sidewalk, on which he had think fast to steady himself after slightly losing his footing. With his cheeks turning red, both from the cold and embarrassment, he gives the driver the money he's owed before shoving clenched fists into his deep coat pockets and walking briskly towards the magnificent glass building before him.

 _I'll see you at 6pm - I should hope my own son can tear himself away from his work that 'early' to see me._

The senior partner glanced down at his watch. 5:30am. A sigh slipped through his lips, he hadn't slept at all, and rather than toss and turn in bed for any longer than he needed to, Harvey thought throwing himself head first into his work would be the best solution. There had been countless times where he'd been alone at the firm, after work had engulfed him and he was forced to drag himself away before it hit midnight, but being the only one around in the early hours of the morning was different. There was a tension, as if the floors and walls were bracing themselves for the long day ahead. The lawyer felt a heaviness in his shoulders as he slipped down into his black leather chair, the slight creak it emitted seeming ten times louder when contrasting the deathly silence surrounding him. It was the middle of January and the sun wouldn't start to show itself for at least another hour, so Harvey flicked on the lamp on his desk, and was somewhat comforted by the warm yellow light it revealed - it was a welcomed change to the usual piercing white fluorescent bulbs that coated the 50th floor. After a large stretch and a stifled yawn, Harvey began exactly what he arrived so early to do. Work.

Harvey Specter glanced at his clock. 7:26am. A wave of anxiety washed over the man as he began to see the number of bodies build outside his office. Any minute Donna would arrive and no doubt immediately clock on to his pale complexion, bloodshot eyes, and horrendous bags. The conversation was not one he was ready to have, but as his eyes caught a flash of fiery red, he knew his time was up. The senior partner's eyes darted down to the work on his desk, acting as though it had his full attention, yet he was all to aware of the striking figure that came to a stop before him.

"At the office before me? Was the one night stand really that bad that you had to escape your own home?"

Harvey heard the amusement in her tone, so it only made him cringe when he looked up in time to see her small smirk turn into a look of pure concern - did he really look that bad?

"Harvey.." The pity in her tone only made him feel worse as he watched her take a seat across from him. "Are you feeling okay?"

"Of course." A blatant lie, but dealing with negative emotions wasn't something the lawyer was known for. "I just needed to get a head start on this case. I may make it look easy Donna, but winning cases actually takes some work." He flashed her his signature smile, but he knew she would notice it didn't quite reach his eyes. The secretary clearly wasn't convinced, but she wasn't prepared to push the situation any further right now and cause her boss to feel any worse than he already did. A smile returned to her lips before she weakly rolled her eyes.

"Oh I know it does, that's why you hired Mike, right? To do all the heavy lifting while you get all the glory?"

"Pretty much." He grinned, relieved that Donna was kind enough to spare him any kind of serious talk right now. With a small chuckle and a slight shake of her head, the secretary decided to leave it at that. Harvey's tired eyes followed her as she left the room, admiring the confidence she was able to exude by doing something as simple as walking. He really did admire his best friend, and a weak smile tugged at his lips as he thought about how lucky he was to have her by his side. Their relationship had always provided a constant light in his life - something he was particularly thankful for today, when negative thoughts seemed to be clouding his mind. With a small sigh he dropped his gaze back to the countless papers flooding his desk, prepared to focus on nothing but work once again.

.

"Harvey." Donna Paulsen stood over her bosses desk, arms crossed and a less than impressed look on her face. It had just passed 2pm and the man before her hadn't moved from where she found him seven hours ago. Her expression changed to one of frustration when her voice fell on deaf ears, but she couldn't help the feeling of concern deep in the pit of her stomach; the red head had been keeping a close eye on her friend, and she couldn't ignore the aggression and tension in how he scribbled away at his papers all morning. Mike had attempted to breeze into Harvey's office at around 9am, but she had quickly ushered him away, making the educated guess that he just wanted to be alone. She presumed this was still the case, but she couldn't just leave him to be hunched over his desk for the rest of the day.

"Harv." Although her voice was raised, there was a softness to it that she hoped would ease the tension she could feel radiating from her employer. It seemed to do the trick, as his tired eyes dragged themselves away from his work and stared into hers.

"What's up, Donna?"

"It's gone past two and you haven't had a break. You need to eat."

"It's fine. I'm not hungry." The senior partner shrugged and looked back down at his work, ignoring the exasperated sigh that he heard from the woman before him. The lawyer wasn't exactly known for having a small appetite, and it was hard to deny the lack of food was affecting him, but the ever growing anxiety in his gut was putting him off the idea of trying to stomach anything. Donna wasn't letting this go - the guy clearly hadn't slept, and she doubted he'd even eaten anything before coming to work. She was worried if he carried on like this he was going to burn out fast. As both his secretary, and his friend, she wanted to do whatever she could to keep that from happening.

"Come on." She placed her hand on the piece of paper in front of the senior partner, causing a small scoff of disbelief to slip from his lips. "I'm dying for a hotdog from Jacob's stand across the street, you know you want to come with me." He couldn't say no to the perfect smile she flashed him, and after forcing a very obvious eye roll, Harvey pushed himself out of his chair and followed the red head down to the streets below.

.

The lawyer gave a curt nod to signify thanks as he was handed the two hot dogs, letting a weak smile tug at his lips when he gave one of them to Donna.

"I'll be leaving at 5:30 today. You can leave at five, there won't be much for you to do after that." Harvey didn't want to deal with the questions that would undoubtedly follow, but he was going to have to rip the bandaid off at some point.

"That's early for you… do you mind me asking why?" Her voice was soft and caring, and he wished that was enough to put his rapid heart beats at ease. The man glanced over and met her eyes for just a second before shifting to stare down at the food in his hands. He opened his mouth to try and speak, but the words refused to follow. Donna couldn't help but cringe when she saw how one of the most powerful lawyers in New York City was, for once, lost for words.

Then it hit her. Only one person caused him to react like this.

"Oh...she's in town?"

Harvey wasn't surprised that she had figured it out, she'd learnt to read his body language many years ago and although he wouldn't admit it to her, his best friend knew him better than he knew himself at times. He wouldn't regard this as always being a good thing. Right now the lawyer needed some time to handle this alone, he didn't want 'advice' thrown at him on how to deal with the situation. There was no control over the anger that was now boiling inside of him, an emotion that always seemed to cloud his mind when anything negative occurred in his life. It was an unhealthy coping mechanism and he knew it, but his rationality was no longer in control.

"I don't want to talk about this right now, and like I said" He violently threw his hotdog into a nearby trash can, startling the secretary slightly "I'm not hungry." His face had turned to stone, any previous hint of vulnerability or weakness were long gone as he shoved clenched fists into his coat pockets and marched ahead of Donna. The red head opened her mouth to call after him, but immediately stopped herself. Her friend needed some space to cool down, and now that she understood the source of his unusual behavior, she couldn't say that she blamed him. Harvey Specter had very few weak points but his mother was definitely one of them, it was like he was a different person around her; his calm and collected manor vanished, and he turned back into the anxious 13 year old boy who couldn't stand up to anyone. Donna's heart did break at the thought of the man's childhood, it was something he had only opened up about once before - after the death of his father. It was a night filled with alcohol and tears, mourning the loss of the one person Harvey could rely on throughout his formative years. Since that night, he had seen his mother only once. He worked from home for a week after that. Trying not to take the man's reaction to personally, she followed him back to the building slowly, making sure to leave plenty of space between the two of them.

.

Harvey was slumped down in his leather desk chair, which was turned to face the windows that coated the walls of his office so he was able to stare out at the city below. He was embarrassed by how he'd behaved towards Donna, but the rational part of his mind remained very much at large. He could barely concentrate on anything other than the imminent encounter he would soon have with his mother, it was a scenario he still couldn't handle after all these years and it made him feel pathetic. The trauma left by the woman continued to be his biggest weakness; although he was able to live most of his life with her far out of his mind, never truly coming to terms with the events of his childhood left him completely helpless when he was forced to face them head on. The thought made him sick. Helpless was not a word many would use to describe the senior partner, but right now that's all he was.

A harsh tightness in Harvey's chest dragged his mind back to reality and his hand instinctively tugged at his tie, frantically loosening it before forcing open the top button of his shirt. His eyes clenched shut as he forced himself to control his breathing - he refused to have a panic attack at the office. Too many people saw him as an authoritative figure here, one sign of weakness and he may as well be back in the bullpens.

"Harvey."

The man's eyes snapped open and he swiveled round in his chair, his widened eyes meeting Donna's concern filled ones. He swallowed thickly then cleared his throat before even attempting to speak.

"What?" He croaked, urging him to grab a glass of water from his desk and take a swig.

"It's five. I'm heading out."

Harvey only responded with a nod. Part of him was still warding off a panic attack, while the rest of him had to work twice as hard to even concentrate on her words.

"...Call me after, okay?"

The red head walked away before he could even respond, but considering he didn't really know how to it was probably for the best. The lawyer forced himself out of his seat and made his way to the bathroom in order to use the large mirrors they provided so he could at least try and fix his no doubt dishevelled appearance. When he was met with his reflection a weak sigh slipped through his lips; his skin was pale, his eyes had dark circles surrounding them, and his clothes were creased beyond belief. This wasn't him. While rinsing away the thin layer of sweat his very minor panic attack had caused, Harvey's mind was clouded with stress, anxieties and fears stemming from the night ahead of him. When closing a case he never once doubted his abilities, but when dealing with his mother? No law degree in the world could help him with that.


End file.
